wow... i had pretty much lost this blog since i moved back into my parents house. that's fucked up...

so yea.. moved back in... found me a hot fucking boy-thing... i really have no idea what we are... that fustrates me so much... i don't want to ask.. "so are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?" that seems so childish... but then again i don't want to assume and then begin getting even more attatched when that's not what it actually is. GRrrrr. i need to learn how to handle these things...

apprarnlty in accordance to bodytalk i'm actually going to marry him... and have kids... woh... fucked up man... we shall see. the scary thing is that as soon as i met him i was hooked. we were dancing and he was able to mirror and mimic and dance so well, i bearly even knew how to react besides with pure joy, in a movement where he gazed at me over his glasses and we locked eyes i would have gladly said that i would marry him.... so scary. i don't know what to do! Gah!

at least he's good in bed... and willing to learn... :) i mean..... nothing... nothing at all.. heh.

woh...
what a strange day..
so, yea, had a reflex appointment schedualed for today.. they turned up at prenatal..
and i bought a violin... A VIOLIN!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
i'm beyond excited btw..
also.. the spoons have landed but... painless... interesting... very interesting...
anyhow.. VIOLIN!!!!
her name is Rose..
i saw another one there... her name is Charise.. i played her in a past life.. it was interesting seeing her and knowing that.. weird...
also a few of the girls at work are reading the twilight series, makes me giggle inside.. as i have finished it now... *snicker*
think i may just move into my parents house till august.. it's cheaper while i'm taking violin and piano lessons, and saving up for university... makes sense.. to me at least, and this time is dosen't feel like defeat, which is awesome.


oh! and i met the dude who's going to ink me! Sweeeeeet.

~K

right-o... so the first of the two shuffles has occurred.
now i'm horribly sick.. blarg fuck.
well it's all worth it in the end i suppose.

wellity alot can happen in a small space fo time it would seem.
told nick my feelings... may be seeing him at Boyd and Leah's b-day we'll see how that goes.
opened up to kat a bit, came to terms with my bi-sexuality a bit.
and now i can't get the image of both abby and nick out of my head...
moving today.. well.. moved most of my stuff yesterday just moving the last little bit.
though i am stalling pretty fucking well... arg.
i'll be off now.

wellity ain't that funny...
the night i choose that the next day i'm talking to nick about my feelings for him i have awesome dreams about him... lol oh the mind and it's amusements.

it went along the path of my starting to tell him how i feel about him
(we were alone in someone's home at night)
when he stopped to interrupt me, and he kissed me.. and it kinda continued from there... heh
well i can only hope it goes nearly as well as that!
that would be awesome.

second dream was about me living on my own... i had my parents over at my apartment that went fine they left... i was locking up and started to explore the entrance area to the building, i found the foundation of the building and it was all destroyed and falling apart (i was flying BTW and this is at night(male)) as i headed back towards my apartment i crossed paths with a strange creature, the person in front of me was fighting it for soem reason, after they injured the thing they moved on, i went up to the creature and whispered things into it's ear, upon hearing these things it healed and improved beyond it's state before, it could now fly, and it allowed me to climb upon it's back and fly with it.

pretty sure that dream is about movign in with natalie, seeing the bare foundation that i have left from past lives, correcting them and then moving forward with ease through the rest of my journy. makes sense to me.

anyhow, wish me good luck for tonight!

~K

blarg... guess i have to deal with shit no matter what.... fuck...
well here it goes!
And hey i want to deal with it because
I want to DO the MUSIC!!!!
i'm excited to do the MUSIC!
these are all just the steps in preparation for the wonderment of the MUSIC!!!

whoop whoop!
2 reports done for school! the second one came out so fast! awesome!
just have to read a book to get the last one done and i can use that book for the book report! SCHWEEET!

all is moving along nicely.
i also re-arranged where i am sleeping, it was fucked up badly feng shui wise. i have a feeling it's going to help immensely, in fact my sleeping was so much more restful last night.
Yea!

http://www.mrslindstrom.org/him_en13/interview.html

i'll take that bet and win it...
heh.. so now i know how i'm meeting ville valo.. lol
oh geeze...

:p

woh.... what a night..

apparently... brussles? i am to record the album at?
something involving the who?
very strange...

woh... it's fun being me...
and damn am i surprised at how well my pics are going on DA...
fucking hilarious really.. i tried so hard to make good art.. fuck around in some photos and boom!
lol sweet.
well guess that means i'll have to do that some more which i don't mind at all...

on another note seems i have developed another crush.. DMANIT!
on Josh... great... frustrating part is that he annoys me in some ways... i pretty much just want to fuck him really... it's just a lust thing... oh well.. we'll see how that pans out.

also decorating my arm with henna is alot of fun.. forgot how much i missed decorating myself.. guess that's what happens when i can't paint canvasses... i paint my arms... heh
oh well.

from this day forward i am not afraid to be me.
and that's just how it is.


sweeet.

right well...
so that palce i found, i had an odd sense that if it wasn't supposed to pan out something would prevent me from going back there to start cleaning it and crap...
well...
i rolled my ankle and can't walk.. guess that's the sign... Blarg..
FUCK!
i just want a fucking place to live! for fucks sake!
Blah.
anyhow finished the first Feng Shui report... it's over 6000 words... crazy long.
at least all of the next one's will be hella faster to write! only have to re-write the last 2000 words or so.
thank god for that.
did my vision board for the musical aspect of my life, see how that starts to pan out.
got to hang out with the nick and abby and such.. think my crush for abby is gone, which is nice in that i don't feel nearly as akward around her anymore... i think chad likes me... maybe.. it's wierd. and i'm kind of neutral towards nick... i want to talk to him.. but only to straighten up some old shit... of well we'll see how it goes..
haven't talked to james since i told him how it all was.. which is kind of nice. i feel a little bad, but i have kept forgetting to text time back when he sends me stuff... i just get so damn busy... lol guess that's another sign right there...
odd how i was fine spending the night there, but at a friend's house i can't do it... that's fucked up.
well... not really.. he asked me too... so i did, they never ask...

all i need is for people to fucking ask!


blah... that's the rant for now... i'll follow up on how the stuff starts to pan out.. right now my ankle needs so lovin's in the form of ice.

wellity...
the constellation was mind exploding... i'm quite glad about that.
and i may have a place to live... well i do actually. :)
it's for quite a bit cheaper then expected, though weather i'm going to have the roomie that i'm expecting is yet too be seen. i'm excited though.
still working on the first feng shui report.. man the first one is long to write.. but hey once it's done the others will fly out, and i'll be making boatloads. i'm excited... and also thinking that i'll probably not end up having a roommate at all as i will be able to afford it all on my own. eh heh heh. sweet.
anyhow... i need sleep tomorrow is another excellently busy day! lots of appointments! yea!

had my first feng shui consult today, it was ... interesting?
she was in the process of moving in at the time.. wanted me to put eveything where it should go for the best energy... kinda hard to do when i don't know what you have.... heh..
well we'll see how it goes.. it was wicked fun i must say.. look forward to doing billions more.
other then that writing the report for it now... blarg.. tis a long process but it will only get faster...
also if i stopped distracting myself it would be faster... heh.
set up to sell my car looking to buy a cheaper one... make this whole moving thing alot easier on myself.
it's all going to be awesome! i know it!
i got rid of more things again today as well! wonderful day really!

also also... i like the title of this blog.. it may become an album title at one point in time.

well after last night/mornings art spew i feel much better and finally got some shit done around here...
dealt with some banking that had been long overdue... next taxes... blah..
hoping for more info on living spaces soon.. this is getting horribly tedious... grrr...

blarg

1. i feel a distinct lack of space to call my own.
2. i have a horrible crush on Nick....
   
3. i have a horrible crush on Abby.
4. i feel like i'm supposed to leave this city.
   
5. i feel time constraints.
6. i feel like my boss is impersonating my mother sometimes.
   
7. some days it's amazing how wonderful a simple pleasure can be... in this case port.
8. drawing makes me feel better sometimes... it's nice.
   
9. i crave to be able to create music.. it's tearing me up inside.
   
10. i'm scared to see Ulrich and do a constellation....
11. i'm scared to see other's constellations.
    
12. i'm excited for both 11 and 12 as well...
    
13. i'm getting better at letting things go.
    
14. i'm getting better at being myself.
    
15. i'm getting my first tattoo soon...
    

...continued

added info's i guess....

Chopped off the dreadlocks, it was quite the freeing adventure. Did a sort of releasing ceremony around them, for each dreadlet as i cut it i imagined releasing myself from some negative aspect of myself. i feel like i gleaned off a lot of bulk from it.
only kind of sad part was that i had an idea for another photoshoot for them, maybe i'll use fake dreads or something... meh, not too big of a concern.
Also got an article published working on doing 2 more one's done starting the other don't know which one they will want so we'll see.

eh?

well... here goes one of these things again.
meh.

So how's all in the world of mine.
Mighty confusing most of the time.

Album is still at only lyrical phase completion..

i keep getting random snippits of what's to come but no solid direction.. yet. very frustrating.
Also this damn split between myself and Travis is getting more and more aggravating.
only due to that we are still living together. once that's done this will all be much easier.
if only i would happen faster. Blarg... patience. i need more most of the time.
additionally i have discovered one of my limits today... bit of an age one.
it doesn't sit well with me to be around folks who are almost 40 and have a sexual interest in me.
Damn disturbing really. good to know though... but it kinda makes sense.
Though the universe has a wonderful sense of humor about it.
he is a Boar in the chinese zodiac, which is one of the better/best pairs for myself being a tiger.
ahhhh very funny universe..
next time lets get the cycle of Boar that's closest to me... like 1983... oh i could totally go for a dog too! they are awesome as well! (1982)

bah.. anyhow... i think my path may be veering to vancouver soon...
and may also involve Music therapy. got some strong goosebumps for that one.
we'll see how it all pan's out.